 Between my parents Mama is the quiet one but she is by no means a pushover. No one would dare push her around. I say quiet in terms of when they sit us down for a family meeting or something, its Papa who usually does if not all of the talking. Mama is by his side, a silent message of saying "I agree with what Papa is saying." So any thoughts of going through Mama to lessen the blow forget about it because its not going to fly. The only times we go through Mama is when we want something and isn't sure if Papa will be okay with it. If it it is fine with Mama, you can count on her to be an ally. My parents have always been a package deal. What I mean with this is, there is no such thing as a house divided. If we ask permission from Mama, count on her asking if we already asked from Papa and vice versa. So if we think we are smart enough to think that we can bypass one of them, we are lying to ourselves. Sure she nags once in awhile but its usually because we don't do what she tells us to do right away like fixing our closet or cleaning our room or anything she wants us to do. You better have a really good reason why its not done right away.
Between the two though its Mama who is the harder nut to crack. Papa has this tough, strict front but when it comes to us, his children, he is such a softie. But, Mama she is more firm. She has to see that the action merits you to be back on her good graces. No she doesn't harbor grudges but she just wants to make sure that it really was a lesson learned on our part.
Mama may be the quieter one but when she speaks, for some strange reasons it stays with you. It gets ingrained in us like no other. I know she told me things when I was about to go to college and 10 years later I still remember them, like a constant whisper in my ear. Its not an annoying whisper that is on constant loop but when just as I am about to do or decide on something, what she has said that fits the situation pops up in my brain. Before we went to college, she told us "you are going to Manila to study and not to be in a relationship". True enough we all finished on time and if one of us would be in a relationship it was towards the end of college. On expenditures, "scrimp on everything but food". People should see us when we eat out.  On guys, "don't believe a guy who shows up with different cars each time, there's a big possibility those are not his." It sounds funny but us girls have learned that there is more to a person than the car he drives. We actually know little to nothing about cars so don't even attempt to use it on us. She has more and as soon as I am able to remember them all, I will compile them in a journal. I will ask for contributions from my siblings as well.
Early this year, my brother went through a life changing episode and is still adjusting. Nicco found himself at the start of the journey again. Mama was with him pretty much round-the-clock. Not asking, not pestering, not investigating, just a silent force, waiting until he was ready to speak. There were days his revelations came in droves, some in trickles but as they come, Mama (and Papa too) listened. She didn't just hear, she listened and I think and feel that made all the difference. My brother, I think and I believe is in a better place now. He is a lot happier and surging on. We don't know the pain he went through, the extent of it all because he chose to shield us from it. We do know though that it must have been painful enough that he said and decided that enough was enough. He had reached the end of his rope and there was no turning back. Make no mistake, we empathize but like they said, we have to take care of our own first and that's what we did. We have taken a cue from our parents not to ask so much. My sisters and I get our updates from our parents. Then a few days ago, she told me something that she told my brother that struck me so much. I think it was bar none the best one. I don't remember the exact thing she said but in essence she was saying "never let anyone make you feel that you are any less. Never let anyone make you feel inferior because you are not and never will be." WOW!
To me that was so powerful. Our parents never made us feel that we cannot do anything. They supported us with whatever we wanted to do. They never made us feel that we didn't deserve whatever good graces we are getting. They never once told us to settle, to just take whatever there is when we can have more, be more. Be better, not from everyone else, but be better versions of who and what we are. I know it pained them to know that someone else made an attempt to make one of us feel that we are not worthy. I think my brother thought that it came with the territory but after some time he realized and knew that it wasn't. I am glad that he realized it before it came to an even more dire situation. As for what Mama said, I know she told that to Nicco but it applies to us, girls as well. I think it should apply to everyone. No one should be allowed to tell us that we are unworthy, that we are beneath them.
Thank you, Papa and Mama!
 | drama mo! hehe!
I stay quiet in terms of when they sit us down for a family meeting or something, its Papa who usually does if not all of the talking. --> doesn't apply to me
"you are going to Manila to study and not to be in a relationship" -->waray man ako yakni hini! hehe!
I WANT TO GO HOME =(
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 | youngest ka man so it seems rules didnt apply to you any more hahaha |
 | "never let anyone make you feel that you are any less. Never let anyone make you feel inferior because you are not and never will be."
Pls. tell your mom thank you for this slap to my senses... I needed it. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt piece, Raissa! There's no place like your 1st home. :-) |
| I will! Glad that it touched someone. =) |
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